


Saudade

by FlamingCheet0z



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alpha Ben Solo, Ben Solo Becomes Kylo Ren, Ben Solo Has Anger Issues, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Swolo, Betrayal, Bullying, Dom! Ben Solo, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Jedi Ben Solo, Jedi padawans, Loss of Virginity, Reader is a force user, Smut, Soft Ben Solo, Virgin Ben Solo, Young Ben Solo, the fall of the jedi temple
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:41:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28406445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlamingCheet0z/pseuds/FlamingCheet0z
Summary: Saudade:A nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant, or that has been loved and then lost; “the love that remains”~As You and Ben Solo are training to become legendary Jedis, Ben Solo starts to feel his pull to the darkness. Is it too late to save your best friend, and lover?[Book 1 of 3]
Relationships: Ben Solo x Reader, Ben Solo x You, Kylo Ren & Reader, Kylo Ren & You, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Kudos: 6





	1. Prologue

The cries and screams echoed in your mind non-stop planting the new permanent trauma forever engraved. Despite being hugged by not only your Jedi Padawan robes and Leia’s embrace, you still felt ice cold and empty. 

Seeking comfort in the crook of Leia’s neck, her arms squeezed around you tightly resting her cheek atop the crown of your head. 

“Shhh, you’re okay.” she repeatedly whispered, also trying to convince herself that. The minute she, Han and Chewy landed at the temple, she knew the worst had become reality. 

But what she also knew was that if she couldn’t save her son, she’d save you. 

You. 

The last piece of him she had. 

The last hope she had of bringing her son home. 

As she continued to provide you comfort, both of you looked up when you heard Han walk in. 

“Hey,” he barely said. His eyes were red, still slightly swollen as if he had been crying. 

“Hey,” your voice croaked, breaking mid word. 

As you still sat tucked in Leia’s embrace, Han strolled over slowly and crouched down in front of you. He placed his wrinkled hand on your cheek and wiped away a lonesome tear. “It’s not your fault.” 

“But it is! I knew something was wrong and I didn’t do anything about it!” you sobbed. “He needed Luke and Luke wasn’t there! Most importantly, he needed me. And I wasn’t there!” 

“Shh,” Leia cooed. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t know.”  
“But Luke did!”

You sniffled again as tears began threatening to fall. They knew you were wanting and trying to speak more, but they weren’t going to rush you. Not after everything you’d just been through hours before. 

“It’s okay, take your time.” 

Moments later, Chewy emerged from the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon. As you looked up, the huge fluffy fur ball came and sat next Leia. Noticing you were still in a state of distress, he growled a comforting growl which resulted in a small giggle from you. 

As you opened your mouth to speak, all of your treasured memories of Ben Solo came back to life. 

As you remembered the boy who became your first friend, then best friend, then lover. 

Now, he was your saudade. 

The boy who was loved, then lost. 

The love that remains.


	2. The Jedi Temple

**_10 years before_ **

“Do I have to go?” you questioned for the hundredth time. 

“Yes, “ your father answered. “You gonna go there for a while, meet other kids who are just like you, and there you’ll learn to control your powers.” 

“The Force!” you squealed with excitement. 

Ever since you found out you could move things with your mind, your little seven year old self’s mind had been blown. At first your parents didn’t mind you using your ‘powers’ in cases like passing the salt across the table, but when you accidentally threw a childhood friend across the room, they knew you needed proper training. 

Of course it hurt them to be sending their little princess away, but they knew you would succeed and go onto doing great things from this. Like becoming a Jedi. 

“How many other kids are going to be there?” you asked. 

“There’ll be plenty my darling,” your mother smiled. “And they’ll also have the Force.” 

“How long am I going to be there?” 

“For as long as it takes Master Luke to train you with the Force.” 

“Whose Master Luke?” 

“You don’t know who Master Luke is?” your mother gasped in a state of shock. 

You shook your head intrigued. “Nope.” 

“Well, he’s one of the greatest Jedis to ever live. And you,” she booped your nose, “are lucky enough to have him train you.” 

“Then will I become a Jedi?” 

“Of course you can! Now get ready kid, we’ll be landing soon.” 

~

As your parent’s ship flew closer to the island, you noticed how green and lush the entirety of the land was. A vast difference between the plain, dry desert of your home planet. On one half of the island, the land was covered in what appeared to be small huts. You assumed that they would become your new ‘home’. As if the green lushness of the land wasn’t mesmerizing enough, on the last half of the island, sat atop a hill was a large temple. 

Before you knew it, the ship found itself parked on the island's beach. Trailing your parents down the ramp, peering through the gap between your parents, you noticed in front of you stood a man in a beige robe. Next to him stood a boy. From what you could see he appeared to be about your age, maybe a year or two older. He was also wearing a form of robe - this one was more ugly, yet somehow, the boy managed to pull it off. Right above his shoulders, hung strands of onyx hair, blowing in the light wind.

You couldn’t deny that he was cute. Not even five minutes on this island and you had already formed a crush. Typical. 

“Sir,” your father greeted. “It’s an honour to meet you, and thank you for being able to provide our daughter with this opportunity.”

“I’m more than happy to do it. Your daughter will be in good hands here. I can assure you that here she will be free from harm.” 

“Thank you.” Mother responded. “Darling, come meet Master Luke.” 

As you walked towards Luke, he grabbed your hand in a firm handshake. “Please, young one, take your time to say your goodbyes. Afterwards, fellow Padawan Ben, will escort you to the temple.” 

“Thank you Master Luke.” you smiled. 

As Master Luke turned and began his journey towards the temple, you managed to sneak another look at the boy. Ben. The name suited him. Making eye contact, you gave him a small smile. Ben blushed giving a small one back showing off the perfect imperfections of his teeth. 

_ ‘He is so cute’ _ you told yourself. But your little crush moment ended quicker than it started by your parents pulling you into a tight hug. 

Moments later after multiple hugs, tears and promises to write to each other, you watched as your parent’s ship sped out into the galaxy’s system. 

“Hey,” a voice from behind you spoke. “I’m Ben.” 

“Hey, I’m Y/N.” 

He smiled again. “That’s a pretty name.” 

You giggled like a little school girl. “Thanks.”

“Well, allow me to begin the tour.” 

~ 

The two of you hadn’t even made it near halfway up the stairway before you were leaning over gasping for air. “How many more are there?” you gasped. 

Ben just laughed a few steps ahead of you. He didn’t even respond. All he did was move to left and point upwards to the hundreds, if not thousands, of remaining stairs. “Better get used to it. The stairs are the only pathways on the entire island. Not only that you’ll need to speed up. Even a minute late to training and Master Luke will make you scrub them. Each and everyone one.” 

“Ugh! Have you ever been late?” 

“Yeah. All the time.” 

At last you caught up to him. He began to point out where the huts were situated. “Luckily for you, your hut is on the upper East hill so at night it would be as cold as lower huts. Unluckily for you though, you’re neighbours with me.”

“Why would that be a bad thing?” 

“It’s bad because… I snore really loud!” After his statement he snorted so loudly it threw you into a laughing fit. He laughed too hoping to change the subject. He didn’t want you knowing the real reason. You were new, so nice, so innocent, so kind and caring. 

“What seems to be so funny Ears?” a new voice spoke.

You looked behind you and saw a blonde boy walking towards you. Next to him was a brown-haired girl with a guilty smirk plastered on her face. You looked back at Ben seeking an answer at who these people were. But all you saw was the boy once laughing his head off now with a face of…  _ fear _ ? 

“Go on, tell us?” 

“We weren’t laughing at anything…” Ben stuttered. 

“Aww, are you scared Benny?” the girl mocked joining in. “Gonna go run off  _ Uncle Luke _ ?” 

“No…” Ben spluttered out trying to seem brave - unfortunately, the kids saw right through. 

“Hey new girl. What are you doing with this loser?”

“What?” you asked, generally confused with the conversation. 

“What. Are. You. Doing. With. This. Loser?” she spoke as if you were a child being lectured. 

“He’s not a loser… he’s really nice.” 

The blonde boy moved from Ben to you. “Don’t tell me he’s already convinced you to be his friend? You know it’s not too late you know, to leave him. Join us. You’d never become a Jedi with this deadweight pulling you down. His ears are big enough to pull you down the ocean floor. Don’t be a stupid girl. Make the right choice.” 

“You’re right. I’ll make the right choice.” 

“Well then, welcome to the club. Let’s go.” 

“The right choice is that I’m staying with Ben.”

“Hphm. Well, Clove, guess we dodged a bullet then. We better leave this loser with the other loser.” And with that, the boy and girl, who you assumed was Clove, turned and left. 

“Thanks for that,” Ben mumbled embarrassed. “Nobody has ever stood up for me like that before. I just… I just don’t want you to get harassed by them like I do.” 

“Well I’d rather be bullied with you then be a sad bully like them,” you smiled. “Who are they anyway?” 

“The girl is Clove. The boy is Topper. They think their hot stuff because their parents are rich senators. If anything I think I have better though…” he smiled eager to continue. 

“Go on…” 

“My mother, Leia Organa, was the Princess of Alderaan before the Empire destroyed the planet. Now she runs an organisation that goes around helping the galaxy. My father, Han Solo, is an amazing pilot and goes on all sorts of adventures. I’d like to do that one day.”

“Woah. That’s so cool!” 

“That’s not all! My uncle is Master Luke and my grandfather was the infamous Darth Vader!” 

“Ben, that is so cool! Their parents are boring old senators! You parents are like...like legends! Why don’t you use that against them?” 

His smile again disappeared. “If I could I would. Last time I referred to Luke as my uncle and spoke about my family’s history he got really mad at me. It’s like he’s embarrassed by me. I understand when we have training I can’t call him uncle but even in private I’m not allowed. Anyway, enough about me. Dinner at the temple should be nearly ready.”

Before you could respond Ben began his trail up the stairs towards the temple. 

During dinner, you and Ben sat together at a small bench. The food obviously wasn’t as good as your mom’s home cooking, but coming from a secluded island, it would do. Across the hall, Clove and Topper sat with a group of other Padawans. You and Ben paid them no mind. Every time Ben made you laugh you noticed they gave you a dirty look. 

After dinner, Ben walked you to the huts. Standing outside your hut door, his outside his, you said goodnight. 

“Goodnight, Y/N,” he smiled. 

Now laying in the small cot, you closed your eyes ready for the next day. 


End file.
